Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried as a Black Adult

We in America have something of a tarnished history when it comes to inequality, what with slavery, racism, institutional discrimination, etc.

Still, we rightly affirm the value of this ideal, and are constantly working to make sure we do not discriminate against people simply on the basis of morally irrelevant criteria, like people's ability or inability to withstand sunlight and tan, or whether they happen to have been born with male or female genitalia.

So, it is with great patriotic pride, pleasure and promise that The Onion reports we're making historic strides to make sure people are treated equally, starting with the fact a white girl accused of a brutal murder will now be tried as a black man :)

"This is America... nobody deserves to be treated like a black man." Classic!